we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize