she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
