Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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