I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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