You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
