So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
