you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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