so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize