She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The air was thick with penises
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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