think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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