I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
