You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize