i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
