Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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