Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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