he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
