that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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