bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize