He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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