guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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