your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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