Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
