I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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