smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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