hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wanna go halves on a baby?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
