i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
