wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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