Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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