just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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