I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
