I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
