You really coming over, don't trick.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
