What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
