I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
