Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
