Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize