I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
