12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
