You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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