Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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