I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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