Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Are we still banned from the library?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
