Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
