ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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