well I can't set my house on fire every night
We had to coat check the pizza.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
