I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
