she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
