just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
