I could make wine with my vomit
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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