So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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