It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sext me about skeletons
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
