im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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