I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
