does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
