My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
