I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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