god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
