woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
