I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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