anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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