do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
