I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize