I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
