Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
